When your loved one has OCD: try to be non-judgemental

It is helpful to be as non-judgmental as possible with your loved one. One part of them may understand that their obsessions and compulsions are irrational. But another part of their mind insists that if they don't perform their compulsions, then terrible things will happen.

In some cases, people with OCD imagine terrible outcomes for people who are close to them as well as for themselves. If a person who suffers from OCD feels judged, this can make them feel worse, which can increase stress and increase their OCD symptoms. 

But it can be hard not to judge. Compulsions can seem like odd behaviors for people who are logical and bright. Here are some OCD compulsions that I have worked with: 

• Removing all knives from the house

• Washing or cleaning for hours

• Throwing away items that touched another object and therefore seemed to be contaminated, such as a food container that has touched a counter

• Avoiding all children

• Asking for reassurance over and over and over

To someone who doesn’t suffer from OCD, these behaviors may appear to be incomprehensible. If you understand your loved one’s OCD, their compulsions may make more sense to you, even if they seem to not be logical. No matter how much you understand your loved one’s compulsions, they can leave you feeling enormously frustrated. 

Try to separate feeling frustrated with OCD from feeling frustrated with your loved one. They have not chosen this disorder, and it causes them as much pain as it causes you.

You can’t stop someone’s compulsions or make your own frustration disappear, but you can choose how you respond to your loved one and how you manage your feelings. I recommend that you try not to:

• Express anger toward them over their compulsions

• Exercise control over your loved one

• Use logic to get them to stop compulsions

• Get upset with them over the compulsions

Here are some constructive and healthy ways to support and connect with a person who struggles with OCD:

• Ask them questions about what it is like to live with OCD

• Be curious about what it is like to be trapped by their own mind

• Be compassionate about how stuck they may feel

• Empathize with how hard it is to have the disorder

• Find ways to continue to connect and enjoy your life with each other despite OCD

• Kindly encourage education, support, and therapy focused on OCD

In the end, it is human to feel judgemental, frustrated, angry, or irritable about a disorder as difficult and vexing as OCD. The disorder causes great distress to individuals with OCD and to the people who love them. But if you can let go of judgment and be calm and supportive, that is something that can really help. If this is hard to do, please reach out to a trained professional such as myself, who can support you in supporting your loved one.