Why it is vital to get support when your loved one has OCD
Loved ones of people with OCD can feel angry, frustrated, or hopeless. Just like with any other mental or physical condition, when someone suffers with OCD, their family and loved ones also suffer. It is really hard to watch someone you love imprisoned in a mental loop.
In addition, people struggle to figure out how to support their loved one with OCD while also caring for themselves. Actions that might be appropriate and supportive in other circumstances can cause unintended harm when your loved one has OCD. If you participate in your loved one’s compulsion, they may feel better in the short run but experience more intense OCD symptoms in the long run.
For example, your loved one may believe you have dirty hands and clothing that will contaminate both of you because you left the house. If you provide immediate relief by washing your hands or changing your clothes, you have inadvertently compulsed for your loved one. That causes their OCD to become stronger.
Offering verbal reassurance can also strengthen OCD in the long run. For example, the OCD sufferer may repeatedly ask you for reassurance that they are clean enough. If you respond by reassuring them that they are, your answers may make the disorder worse.
Added to that is the fact that when the OCD is activated, the sufferer believes the obsessive thought. Declining to participate in your loved one’s compulsion can cause them to be upset.
So if you choose not to compulse with a loved one who has OCD, the OCD sufferer can feel distressed and angry. It hurts to have your child, partner, or parent upset with you over something that will ultimately benefit them.
If you don’t seek support, you may become resentful. That resentment can lead in several directions. It can bring you to participate in and reinforce your loved one’s compulsions, because it’s so much harder in the short term not to. Or it can bring you to disengage.
In romantic relationships, partners of people who suffer from OCD sometimes feel they have no choice but to leave. If you love your partner and want to stay, taking steps to prevent yourself from becoming resentful, such as taking breaks or getting support, is the best way to protect your relationship.
All these difficult feelings are valid. Many people who have loved ones with OCD experience them. It isn’t hopeless, but it is vital to get support for yourself from people who understand OCD. Talking to like-minded individuals who have the same challenges helps us cope with any experience. There are in-person and on-line groups for partners. There are also podcasts and books to find more information.
The International OCD Foundation has a list of apps that will connect you with online support communities.
And always, talking to a professional who has expertise in both OCD and couples counseling can help you navigate loving someone that suffers with OCD.